It never seems to fail. Every year, I seem to find at least one thing that is hell bent on taking the Christmas holiday, where everyone is expecting peace and goodwill, and turn it into an epic “Bah, humbug” that will still be remembered when the grandchildren are populating this world.

Of course, it’s unusual for that thing to rear its ugly head in the waning days of August. That might actually be a record.

While browsing the internet for news—perhaps I should consider putting a stop to that—I came across an item about Mariah Carey wanting to declare herself the Queen of Christmas. The story from CBS News noted that she thinks she should hold the title because of the popularity of her song “All I Want for Christmas.”

Where do I begin with this?

Let’s start with the fact that this is not just a simple, conceited declaration that she’s the most fabulous reindeer of all. Carey wants to actually trademark the expression so she can use the term as she hocks perfumes, body lotions, skin care products, makeup, spa products, hair care, nail polish and sunglasses. She also wishes to use the title on her music, music videos and various music-based entertainment.

Yep. Not only is she on her worldwide conceit tour—no, that wasn’t a typo—she’s on an anti-Robin Hood gig to fleece the poor people who are convinced she really is the second coming. Tis the season for greed.

Of course, the fun doesn’t stop there. Since the singer’s intent on putting a crown on her head became public, some other female crooners have stepped out of the wings to tell Carey they were the queen before it became the new, hip thing.

There’s Elizabeth Chan, who has held that title but has never been so brazen as to try to trademark the term. The full-time songwriter focused on Christmas songs and her attorneys have filed a formal declaration opposing Carey’s trademark attempt, as it would not allow her to utilize the term.

While the motive is also tinged with conceit and hubris, Chan uses a very holy argument in a Variety magazine story.

“Christmas has come way before any of us on earth, and hopefully will be around way after any of us on earth,” Chan said. “And I feel very strongly that no one person should hold onto anything around Christmas or monopolize it in the way that Mariah seeks to in perpetuity. That’s just not the right thing to do. Christmas is for everyone. It’s meant to be shared; it’s not meant to be owned.”

She’s got a point. There are plenty of things that make Christmas the most wonderful time of the year, but to turn the holiday into a popularity contest and make a buck off of it is truly disgusting, and Carey should be ashamed.

However, Chan’s not the only one making headlines for wanting to boot Carey’s booty off the throne. Grammy winner Darlene Love, known for her holiday tune “Christmas (Please Come Home).” She noted that she was dubbed the Queen of Christmas by David Letterman a year before Carey came out with “All I Want for Christmas,” and at 81 years of age, she’s not planning on doing anything with her royal scepter except maybe shove it up Carey’s… um, well…

“I’ve been in the business for 52 years, have earned it and can still hit those notes!” wrote Love, whose name at birth was Darlene Wright. “If Mariah has a problem, call David or my lawyer!”

With all the opposition, I wouldn’t be surprised if Andy Cohen tries to come up with a new reality series titled “The Real Housewives of Kensington Palace.” You remember Andy Cohen, the guy who made a drunken ass of himself last New Year’s Eve and tried to upstage the death of Betty White, but I digress.

Carey wrote a very popular song when she came out with “All I Want For Christmas,” as shown by the fact that it has topped the Billboard charts across four decades. However, that is not the only song people listen to during the holidays—far from it—and to think the Billboard honor is the reason you should declared the ultimate holiday songstress is a reminder of why many have forgotten the real reason for the season.

While we’re at it, Carey is not the only female who can take a holiday tune and make it magical. How many of us have listened to “Santa Baby,” first made popular by Eartha Kitt? The song “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas,” with lyrics based on Judy Garland’s life, provides hope that bad times will turn around, while Carey’s song is just a love letter to a man.

When I turn my music collection to the Christmas songs, Carey’s tune is in the mix, but it’s one of hundreds I listen, and it’s not one that I instantly think of when I yearn to feel the holiday spirit. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who feels this way.

Turning to the trademark argument, trademarking a term or phrase has a forever connotation to it, and if anyone tries to use the term “Queen of Christmas” without Carey’s permission, then they could face legal action, and of course nothing says Christmas like billable hours from lawyers.

Carey has been called the Queen of Christmas, along with Songbird Supreme, and there’s no reason she can’t enjoy those titles without trying to guillotine others for adjusting their pretty tiaras while preening by the mirror. It’s supposed to be better to give than receive, so instead of trying to add to her considerable fortune, she should focus instead on her philanthropic pursuits.

When a monarch declares “Off with her head,” it’s not usually supposed to be applied to yourself. In this case, Carey has clearly lost her head, and she should find it, because the headless look applies more to Halloween than Christmas. Besides, there’s room in this world for more than one holiday queen.