Just when I think that modern civilization has hit the bottom, I have to dodge an airborne shovel.

I awoke and opened up my laptop this morning to the news that a couple, Doug and Dedra Simmons who had set up a destination wedding in Jamaica, but they had a number of guests who did not show up even after they RSVP’d that they would be there. The response was — how should I put this — different.

Some folks would shrug it off. Some folks would contact the no shows and have a few choice words for them. Some folks would ensure these people were never invited to another gathering again. The Simmons decided to go a step further and put out an invoice billing the absent guests at $120 per head, an action that quickly caught the attention of social media and caused polarization that put an Antarctic snowstorm to shame.

After hearing what had happened, my first reaction was that the couple had some nerve. While the guests weren’t blameless in saying “Oh yeah, I’ll be there” and then totally ghosting the bride and groom, wedding witnesses aren’t usually charged in the course of the nuptials. To extort money from people due to bad manners might seem a dream come true, it has the appearance of snowflakes gone bad.

Not to mention, when folks RSVP for a wedding, they don’t sign any type of agreement saying they’ll be on the hook for any empty seats, so it didn’t seem likely that the Simmons would actually be able to squeeze any money. Besides, the Simmons decided they wanted to journey to Jamaica for their wedding instead of doing something smaller and closer to home, so while not showing for a wedding you said you’d attend is tacky, being tacky is not illegal.

Of course, then things took a left turn.

Then the groom came forward and said that the invoices were never actually sent out. The invoice was just posted on social media as a symbol of the disrespect he and his blushing bride felt, “but I am not some trifling person who is going to bill somebody.”

To me, that just made matters worse. While it’s certainly a relief that the absent friends won’t have their wages garnished or pockets picked because two lovebirds decided to break the piggy bank to pay for a lavish ceremony in paradise, the attention that this little stunt has received is likely to cause other stupid people — and yes, there are stupid people in the world — who might think this is a good idea for real and take some kind of legal action against folks who don’t show up for their wedding.

Think I’m being paranoid? I’m sure the folks at McDonald’s never imagined being sued for hot coffee being spilled in a customer’s lap. The officials with Snohomish County likely didn’t think a bank robber would try to rob the government next after he filed a $6.3 million lawsuit after he pointed a gun at the police and got shot for his poor judgment. Then there’s the chutzpah of New Yorkers who sought $40 million for five or six scratches received from a gas explosion several blocks away.

I realize I write fiction, but some of these things are even beyond my imagination, and now some butt-hurt couple who are miffed at social gaffes that most sensible people would likely forget about after a year or two have opened the door have opened the door for other bridezillas and groomzillas to take some imaginary sense of entitlement and cash in on it.

If the Simmons were smart, they would look at the fact that, despite having a few no-shows, they had more than 100 people attend their wedding, gush at the ceremony, enjoy the wonderful weather condition and down enough champagne to make Dom Perignon execs give out some boffo Christmas bonuses. Instead of taking the high road, this “happy” couple decided they needed more attention and turned their blessed day into a laugh-worthy joke — a marginally laugh-worthy joke.

Bravo, Doug and Dedra Simmons, you did the human race proud. By the way, that would be sarcasm.